Monday, August 17, 2009


A brighter side to the recession if we've ever heard one...

The good news is: According to Surfer magazine's July '09 issue, shark attacks in 2008 dipped to their lowest level in five years.

Apparently, more Americans are skipping out on their annual pilgrimages to the beach, which means less tasty morsels for those hungry man-eaters swimming in the deep.

The bad news is: We've also heard that the Great White People Eaters Union (GWPEU) is preying upon job security fears and attempting to unionize the mostly non-union shark population.

Their hook (so to speak) is to demonize humans for causing the plunge in edible victims. This has, in turn, caused the Coalition of Sea Snacks (which encompasses seals, seal lions and other savory sea creatures) to complain to their union representatives that the loss of homo-sapien suppers is causing an overall decline in the quality of sea life.

"We need to level the playing field!" seems to be the most recent rallying cry of the unionized sea creatures' representatives, large and small.

As a result, the Federation of Carnivorous Sea Monsters is seeking to change the law to to mandate human swimmers be eaten by the Great White sharks without a fight or the opportunity to swim away. In a twist of language, the new legislation is oddly named the Shark-Human Interest in Teamwork Act (or the "S.H.I.T. Act" for short).

You can read more about the S.H.I.T. Act here.

  • Editor's note: We assure you, we only buy Surfer magazine for the articles.


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